Friday, October 02, 2015

Friday, September 25, 2015

Restrain this copywriter

This brain of mine is so full of lyrics and song titles and band names, it's impossible to avoid some of them slipping out and falling into my corporate writing gig.

Today I'm writing about place settings. Oh, my life is so hard. I can't believe I just said that and it's true. What slipped out today:

Oops, just lost another pop culture reference. Maybe if I wore a hat, they'd stay in my head.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

"The One That Has All Those Teeth In His Mouth"

"I was a maĆ®tre d’ at a restaurant for thirteen years. But one week I got a really bad case of pneumonia that put me in the hospital. While I was lying in that hospital bed, I was thinking about how I really didn’t want to go back to work. Then that motivational speaker came on TV. You know–the one that has all those teeth in his mouth. And he said: ‘Think back to what made you happy when you were young! That’s what you should be doing!’ Well I grew up in the country, and I always had a lot of dogs, so I thought that nothing would make me happier than to be a dog walker. But I knew I needed to distinguish myself. So I decided to make a uniform. I smoked a joint and came up with this outfit. I wanted people to look at me and think: ‘If this man is walking our dog, and there’s some sort of major disaster, he’s going to survive. He’s going to fish for those dogs. He’s going to build a bunker and shelter those dogs until it’s safe to bring them home.’ After I finished the design, I got four of my friends to wear the uniform, and we borrowed all the neighbors’ dogs, and we walked them down 5th Avenue while handing out business cards. I got five customers that first day.”

--from the Humans of New York photo series/project

VW, I Love Thee

WHY do i not care about what VW has done? only that VW doesn't go away?

Is it because gen x grew up with parents who drove VWs, so it's not just a major element in my life but in most of my friends' lives? Is it because of the logo? Is it because VW cars look good even when they're looking like everything else? Am I shallow? Am I only about art? Do I love VW because of the great ads I used to read in Rolling Stone?

If VW ceased to be I don't know what I'd drive.

I'd stop driving.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Why I Quit Facebook

One day in 2008, after having an account for one week, I opened Facebook to see a message much like this staring me in the face.

And to that and this I have one thing to say.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Hanna Guide

Catleen Hanna.

Kathleen Hanna.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

secret drinking problem coffee table

wouldn't it be fun/funny/great to have this coffee table with secret drinks inside. you could take one real quick while the husband/boyfriend/partner goes to the bathroom/kitchen/office during a commercial. no one would ever guess that this thing opens.

a must-have.

Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Kamikaze Deer

That scene from “The Leftovers” is a thing, and it happened to us this morning.

Rx and I were sitting at a stoplight, waiting to get on the freeway. The line of cars in both lanes was horrendously long. Suddenly something smashed into Rx’s door. I thought something was thrown. It was very confusing for a minute, until we saw the deer, running crazy down the middle between the two lanes. He didn’t have much room. Deer sort of bounce back and forth when they run. This was a buck and he was tearing out. And he slammed into our car on the way.

He took off into an area that I know doesn’t connect to a forest. Poor, poor deer. Poor dear.

Injured deer, thirsty deer, baby deer, deer on the side of the road, walking in the road, deer ticks. I hold a lot of worry for deers, like psychic scar tissue from viewings of Bambi and Watership Down.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Hail to the Back

In the dream I had Radiohead's Hail To The Thief tattooed on my back. I'm sure that means something good.

Are you such a dreamer
To put the world to rights?
I'll stay home forever
Where two and two always makes five

I'll lay down the tracks
Sandbag and hide
January has April's showers
And two and two always makes five

It's the devil's way now
There is no way out
You can scream and you can shout
It is too late now


You have not been
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention (x4)

I try to sing along
But the music's all wrong
'Cause I'm not
'Cause I'm not
I swat 'em like flies but like flies the buggers keep coming back and NOT
But I'm not
All hail to the thief
All hail to the thief
But I'm not
But I'm not
But I'm not
But I'm not

Don't question my authority or put me in the dock
'Cause I'm not
'Cause I'm not
Oh go and tell the king that the sky is falling in
When it's not
But it's not
But it's not
Maybe not
Maybe not

Monday, August 17, 2015

A 4.2 Next Door

This morning Guy is in the shower downstairs and Rx is in bed with me. We're trying to get up. She looks out the window and says, "Mommy, Clem's (our cat) outside!" Then SLAM and SCRAPE!!! We're in an earthquake. I register how loud it is, and hard, and immediately start moving across the bed, which is tempurpedic and really hard to move on, and Rx is saying, "What is that? What is that?!" She's getting progressively louder and more scared. And I'm not answering her because I'm focused on moving to the doorway and I'm sort of pulling her along with me, or she's moving with me, not sure. Before I can get to the opposite corner of the bed,  Guy is there and he says, "It's ok, it's ok!" and I keep moving and bringing her with me and by the time I'm standing in the doorway with my arms covering her entire body, it's over. Guy is in the middle of the room saying, "It's ok! It's just an earthquake! It's ok!"

Then we hear the rumbling noise of the garbage truck outside. Moving along like nothing's happened.

Rx says, "I hope space is ok."

A few days later I asked Rx what she thought was happening when the earthquake happened. She said she thought the moon was gone because the stars needed room to grow.